It is ok to change your mind
actually not your mind (well yes your mind) but what I mean is; follow your heart.
Dear Wednesday reader,
How are you?
It is ok to change your mind. actually not your mind (well yes your mind) but what I mean is; follow your heart.
This is not a great start, I am giving myself a challenge with this email to you:
Don't take my fingers off the keyboard.
Why? I don't know - it's good to try new things, have a challenge, show up, be uncomfortable, don't get distracted, don't get discouraged.
I am also trying not to edit my thoughts too much. Just typing what comes up. The time is 2:22pm, angel numbers. I am taking that as a good sign for this email. Today I have also seen 11:11, 1:11 and 14:14.
I opened Spotify as I sat down to write to you, hit the search button and the first playlist that came up was Post Malone.
I can feel myself pushing away some thoughts that I don't want to write here by distracting myself with things like the time and Posty and I writing to you. Why don't I want to write things here? Because I am processing things that have changed this week.
Bloody hell, I am just going to process here, and we’ll see what comes out.
December 2024 I applied for 3 months long service leave after my best friend of 23 years resigned from our workplace - so dramatic, I could not imagine working there without her, so I was out. The Sunday afternoon that I applied my whole intention was to build my business to a point that I would never have to go back to a workplace ever again. The three months were coming to an end so I applied for another three. The end of the second three months ended on the 30th June. I resigned from my old job at the beginning of June. I started applying for jobs. The jobs I applied for were local to me, there were medical reception, practice manager roles, 2IC jobs. I had call backs, phone interviews and in person interviews from all but 2. When you have worked in the second busiest Emergency department in Queensland for as long as I have and been a personal assistant to specialist doctors who lead their field in Australia, local employers want you.
Why was I applying for jobs when my whole intention was to never go back to a workplace?
One: Money, over the last 6 months I have deeply realized for my nervous system to feel safe, I need multiple streams of income. I have at times had two jobs, or doing something on the side of my regular job. I have resented this deeply over the years. But the amount of inner work I have done the last six months I understand my heart better now. I like to be doing multiple things I love, after looking at the jobs, projects, and creating my business: I have been upskilling, learning, or creating. I was caught up in the narrative that I had been hearing on social media, in personal coaching and some communities I have paid to be in: to have a "job" you are not "all in" with your business. To have a job "is cheating" because you have something to fall back on if your business is not going great. To have a job means you are not serious about your business because you have an excuse to not do the work. I believed all of this so deeply and felt like a fraud. No matter how much education or dollars I spent on educating myself, upskilling in my business I felt like unless I quit my "job" I wouldn't be taken seriously and couldn't take myself seriously because I wasn't full time in only my business, frying my nervous system because I wasn't listening to what I personally need.
Seriously what a load of rubbish - women are multifaceted incredible beings if we are doing things that nourish us, bless us with growth and self trust, we can do anything.
Whatever I have committed to, I do it, and if I have felt burnt out it is my own fault- I know this. I believe my "job" gave me the freedom to explore my business, it gave me resources to join paid communities, do courses, workshops, masterclass, and buy books. Amazing transferable skills, empathy, soft skills.
Two: After having 6 months off, I miss work. On the Sunday afternoon I applied for 3 months leave, I was sitting in the "acute" area, it is the part of the department where my desk is surrounded in a horse shoe shape of patient beds, behind me is where doctors work on their computers, discussing patients and nurses coordinating the department. There are fluid and medication pumps screaming to be attended to, there are cardiac machines beeping, phones ringing, people talking, on this particular day there was a patient to my left yelling obscenities at me because I wouldn't give her the drugs she wanted (security where with her - I was safe). At times that afternoon I would have 3 or 4 people asking me to help them, print labels, admit a patient, unlock the screen, find a chart, and that afternoon wasn't actually that busy - that's how I had time to apply for leave. I miss a work place, I miss being really good at my “job”, and the creativity that comes to me in my business when I have a job.
To continue from above - the last few weeks have been about building my business on Pinterest and my website ( my analytics are incredible for traffic to my website from Pinterest) I have had paid remote sessions, writing cover letters - that is a great inner work experience - selling yourself to a new employer. It has also been a time of great pride for me to have so many conversations about my experience and being offered every job I interviewed for and to be able to pick where I want to work and for how much. This week, I chose the one with the best dollars and co-incidentally the workplace of my best friend.
What am I processing while writing this? The Sunday I hit send on my leave form, I made a deep promise to myself it felt so deeply personal and not just about "going all in" on my business, but being home with Scott and the boys and the last six months of being a wife, mum, having the freedom to choose how I spend my days, being able to be here, to experience being home has brought me back into my body, it has me back into flow with self-care and following my intuition, feminine being (we all have masculine and feminine energy.) and keeping promises to myself, so to break the deep promise to myself that I would never go back to a "job" has had me in a mood because my mind and heart are trying to reconcile. I am cheering on my heart. It will lead me; I know my mind can be a bitch.
It is ok to change your mind. Actually not your mind (well yes your mind) but what I mean is; follow your heart.
Remote photo session
If you would like to experience a remote photo session with me via the Shutter app
I have sessions available.
Remote sessions are fun, creative, they are an experience of having your photograph taken without the photographer in your face. For me as the photographer I am able to create an experience of connection and conversation with the result being a photo that shows the essence of the woman beautifully - because she forgets she is having a photo taken.
I am obsessed with the creativity and connection of these sessions.
Have a beautiful week
Melinda
I'm so proud of you! YES, you can change your mind, but you still are doing what you love with your business.....and now you get to earn good money, without the stress of before AND you get me again. ;)
Love you xx