Dearest Wednesday reader,
How was your week?
About 3 weeks ago I was standing at our front gate holding it open for Jack to drive through on his way out. He wound down the window and shouted through the window as he was backing out of the gate. “I am going to Vietnam in a few weeks, love you, bye.”
“What? Who with?”
My questions went unanswered.
For weeks I asked “Why are you going to Vietnam? Who are you going with? What are you doing there?”
One particularly stressful encounter was when he was continually shrugging me off and saying. “I am going with a friend”. My panic came spewing out of me – “If this is some sort of scam that you have accidentally got yourself into, please tell me. You know they lock people up and still have the death penalty in these countries, whoever you are going with, do not let them touch your luggage”. He looked at me like he thought I needed locking up.
This continued until last Friday night when Jack sent Scott a text message showing his father some of the accommodation he is staying in and with a girl named Valentina.
Scott showed me the text messages and a whole new conversation came out. See Jack broke up with his long term girlfriend a couple of months ago. They tried the on again, off again thing and it was messy and no good for either of them, the week before he told me he was going to Vietnam, his ex-girlfriend who, he had just taken out to dinner; told him she was going to base herself in Greece for three months and go travelling while she was there.
Then Jack is telling me he is going on holiday to Vietnam a week later. So many questions – did he organize a holiday with this girl on the first date? Is she, his girlfriend? What is going on? He won’t tell me. He is 22.
I got a call from Jack last Saturday night – he was at the airport.
“I don’t think I can go; I didn’t organize a Visa.”
“Ok, did you not research entry requirements into Vietnam when organizing your holiday?”
He organized and paid for a Visa at the Airport for $655. It would have been $25 if he had organized it before.
The next morning, I was parking my car at Aldi about to do the weekly grocery shop, and I got a Facebook message from Jack.
“I am being held at the airport they think I have bought counterfeit money into the country”.
I can only compare the panic I felt in reading that text to the phone call we received from the local hospital at 5am on 12th November 2019 when Jack had a motorbike accident that nearly killed him.
I called Scott straight away, and walked into Aldi completely distanced from what I needed or was there for, looking back it was kind of like when I was driving to the hospital. Pretending to be totally normal because if I didn’t, I don’t know how the panic would have come out of me.
I didn’t know who my child was with, I didn’t have their contact details, I asked for his itinerary which he didn’t give me, so I didn’t even know where he was.
I was spamming his phone and trying to be polite but firm in case someone from the airport had his phone.
I don’t know who I was coaching more him or me.
“Stay calm. Don’t panic. You know you have done nothing wrong – please tell me you have done nothing wrong, and you don’t have counterfeit money, text me asap, where are you? What’s happening”? (you get the picture of panic) I spammed his phone.
Two hours later he sent me the photo and said “It was all a misunderstanding and was sorted out once the supervisor checked my money”.
I could not reply.
And when I did, I said “I hope you paid that man triple his price”.
I showed Scott the photo and said something like “I am in total crisis and panic, my stomach feels like it has acid in it and I have chest pain and he is getting his fucking shoes shined”. (I don’t usually swear).
This child since conception has been my biggest teacher.
What have I learnt this week?
My child is here for his own journey in this life, I am his mother and his first home, I am part of his life, but it’s his life, his lessons, his experiences are his. It is his choice to share as much or as little as he wants to with me.
The same for me, my experiences as his mother are mine, my life is mine, how I respond to things outside of my control even when I want to go into primal protection and rage or is also my journey, my choice and contributes to our relationship. As his mother it is my responsibility to let him know that I am here for him always to return to, but, I also have to accept that will be in his time.
My mothering journey with both of my boys is mine, it is a sacred relationship in my lifetime that I am learning from, am enriched by, and am deeply grateful for every single day; because the depth and range of experiences and emotions are what shape me as a woman and the legacy I leave for them.
Motherhood - what a beautiful, incredible mess.
Have a beautiful day
Love
Melinda.
I have mentoring conversations available every Friday (Australian time). I have remote motherhood and women’s portrait sessions available on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.
If you would like to book in for either of these send me a reply to this email. I would love to work with you if you feel connected to what I offer.
Bloody kids🙄🥰🥰🥰